


World So Cold

by FictionCookie



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Flashbacks to character death, Tragedy, coping with loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 04:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8432638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionCookie/pseuds/FictionCookie
Summary: It's been two years since Leonardo has passed, and on this anniversary, the pain is no easier on Karai. In her room, alone, she has the chance to suffer through the memories of that painful day, and it ends with a liberating declaration...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Three Days Grace song, "World So Cold"

"#...I never thought I'd feel this…  
…Guilty and I'm broken down inside…#"

Karai was curled up in a ball, pressed tightly against the unforgiving corner of her trashed room. Icy tears had long since stopped pouring down her face, but not because she was feeling better, but because there were no more tears left to fall. Cradling herself tightly together, Karai clasped her hands over her ears and rocked backwards and forwards, her arms glued to the sticky tears on her cheeks.  
Today was one of Karai's 'Dark Days'. They happened unfrequently, but enough to have the semi-unspoken label. These Dark Days occurred on several anniversaries across the year, today being one of them. Today… today was the worst one of all.  
This day, two years ago, Leo died.  
Mostly, Leo was an avoided subject between her and Leo's brothers. Nobody wanted to think about him because every time they did it brought them nothing but sorrow, and Karai knew Leo wouldn't want that.  
But today, Karai allowed herself to wallow alone in Leo's memories, locked away from the rest of the world. Simply her and her tears…

"#...I always thought I'd make it…  
…But never knew I'd let it get so bad…  
…Living with myself is all I have…#"

Karai was close to Leo in a way his brothers never understood. He cared for her, and she cared for him. He'd pulled her out of the gutter, out of the grasp of the Shredder. He'd gave her a chance at a better life.  
Leo was the one that led them in their search for vengeance, driven by honour above all. Level-headed, fearless and strong, Leo was the pillar that held the weights of the world above them. He guided them through life, spiritually and physically, making sure that they never forgot Bushido even in times of peril. It wasn't easy, living like they did and how they still do, but Leo made sure they got through.  
He led them to victory in many battles and, even in their losses, he kept them all alive…  
…Until their last encounter with the Shredder at Foot Headquarters…

"#...I feel numb…  
…I can't come to life…#"

What if things had been different? What if they had decided against infiltrating Foot Headquarters that day? What if Karai hadn't been foolish enough to spar against The Shredder one on one? What if her reactions had been quicker? What if Leo didn't throw himself in front of the fatal blow? What if Karai had fallen instead of her beloved friend?  
All Leo had done his entire life was protect them, right until his very last breath. All he had ever done was give everything for the shambled remains of their family. And for what? To be cut down, only sixteen years old, at the hands of his sworn enemy.

"#...Living in a world so cold…  
…Wasting away…  
…Living in a shell with no soul…  
…Since you've gone away…#"

Karai felt hollow, empty inside. Numb to everything surrounding her except these agonizing recollections. Despite knowing they tortured her, Karai forced the memories to come. Every instance of that day. It was all her fault. She wanted to suffer.

"#...Living in a world so cold…  
…Counting the days…  
…Since you've gone away…  
…You've gone away…#"

Two years. Twenty-four months. One-hundred and four weeks. Seven hundred and thirty days.  
Karai could remember it like it was yesterday, although some things became hazy over time, lost in the memory. However, the significant parts stayed with her. They always would. She wouldn't let them escape. Like a movie reel, Karai watched helplessly as the day unfolded in her mind…  
Gracefully, Karai twirled her Bo staff around in her hands and knocked down a couple more Foot soldiers. Never had she felt so alive before. Adrenaline controlling her actions, Karai made a daring charge for the prized, fearsome target of the Shredder himself.  
He was standing, glinting armour being illuminated by the glowing fire starting to encase the room, carefully watching the spectacle develop. Beneath his mask, he sneered maliciously yet amusedly as Karai weaved her way through his barrier of protection, knocking down dozens of soldiers in mere seconds.  
Using the crumbling pillar to propel herself forward, Karai flew through the air and, Bo staff raised with intent to strike, smashed down on The Shredder's katana.  
In a mixture of skill and luck, Karai managed to hit several piercing blows against the Shredder, a couple knocking him backwards. However, the Shredder had size and experience on his side. It wasn't long before he regained the upper hand.  
Karai swung the Bo powerfully towards The Shredder's head, but The Shredder managed to counter the attack with a swift block followed by a slice of his blade that cut Karai's wooden staff in two.  
In horror, Karai gaped at her destroyed weapon, her mind racing to decide her next move.  
But the blow came too quick.

"#…Do you ever feel me…  
…Do you ever look deep down inside…  
…Staring at yourself…  
…Paralyzed…#"

With a fierce punch to the chest, Karai was sent hurtling backwards into what little was left of the support behind her. The knock took the breath right out of her; she gasped desperately for enough air to keep her conscious. Pounding inside her battered head drowned out any clear thoughts, replacing them only with reminders of her much sheer agony her entire body was feeling.  
Then, once she regained enough of her senses, Karai found herself staring up at the haunting, deathly figure of Oroku Saki looming over her, katana raised.  
"This is your end, my disloyal daughter!" he roared before he unleashed a petrifying, chilling laugh.  
Across the way, Leo turned from her current engagement and saw Karai helplessly cornered by the Shredder, absolutely frozen in fear.  
"KARAI!" he cried, slicing down his opponent before charging over to his fallen friend.  
The Shredder's terrifying, vast black blade was staring daggers down at Karai, blood stained on the end from its many victims. Now, it prepared to claim one more.  
Stood back, preparing for a direct, skewering lunge to the chest, the Shredder shifted his grip and hissed, "Say your prayers, little one…"

"#…I feel like I'm frozen in time…#"

It was at that moment where, for an instance, Karai's vision became nothing but a flash of blinding white light. In her mind, she tried to piece together the snapshots she remembered, but nothing would fit perfectly.  
There was a clatter of footsteps that rapidly increased, a clang and smash as metal collided with metal, then a hollow thud. After that, the world seemed silent. Silent at least until she heard Raphael's voice cry out before there was more of that pummelling of metal and a frustrated groan from the Shredder.  
Wincing, Karai found the courage to ease open her eyes and slowly unfold herself from the instinctive protection her arms and legs supplied her with, not that they would have done much good. Surprisingly, she was still alive.  
The Shredder had vanished from sight now, no doubt occupied in a duel with Raphael from the sounds of things. But as she scanned around her, her eyes fell on the worst thing she'd ever seen.  
There was Leo, lifeless, sprawled out in a pile of his own blood.

"#...I'm too young…  
…To lose my soul…#"

"No…" Karai gasped, striving against the agony and managing to crawl to her friend's side.  
Desperately, Karai turned the body over and breathed out a sigh of relief as Leo groaned at the movement. However, that relief vanished the instant she gazed down at Leo's wound. Underneath his blood-sodden shirt was the gruesome pierce-mark the Shredder had drove into Leo's stomach. It was a mangled mess of blood and guts, but the sight didn't sicken Karai as much as it probably should have. No. Karai was more focused on how to keep Leo breathing.  
Hands shaking, Karai fumbled around her belt to get the bandages she was carrying, refusing to acknowledge that bandages would be absolutely useless at this point.  
"Stop," Leo croakily called out, mustering enough strength to reach out and grab Karai's hand and smile. "It's too late for me…"  
Karai's eyes blurred with tears. "Don't say that…" Karai pleaded, "You'll live. You're going to live."  
But deep down inside, Karai knew it was hopeless, though she quashed every thought that stated that. The wound was too deep, too irreparable. It was fatal.  
Leo tightened his grip on Karai, pulling her attention back every time she desperately moved to try and reach any futile first aid supplies.  
Coughing up a mouthful of blood, Leo kept up the faint smile and, through his hoarse voice, whispered, "You've come a long way, Karai… it's up to you now."  
Karai's lip quivered, catching several of the tears as they streamed down her cheeks. "You can't leave…"

"#...I'm too young…  
…To feel this old…#"

Leo shushed her, comfortingly. "Hey now, don't worry. I'll always be with you, watching over you. You know that, right?"  
Wiping away some of her tears, Karai nodded and remained quiet. The knot in her stomach tightened as Leo contorted in agony. Talking must not be easing the pain but Karai inwardly prayed he'd never stop.  
Glancing down as much as he could at himself, Leo smirked and commented, "I'm a bit of a mess, aren't I?"  
Remarkably, Karai actually found herself laughing. That was Leo - sardonic 'till the end, literally.  
"Take care of my brothers," her friend's voice returned, more solemn and serious now. "And never stop fighting. Never lose hope. Never give up. You can do it…"  
Leo shifted again, actually squealing out this time as the throbbing engulfed him.  
"Please…" Karai quietly begged, clutching onto her friend's hand.  
Leo strained to smile once more. "Don't let my passing cripple you or my brothers. Promise me you will stay strong. Promise."  
It took Karai a moment to hesitate, but eventually she vowed, "I promise."  
"Good," Leo sighed, looked his friend in the eyes for what he knew would be the last time. The world around him was starting to fade. Even his wound had turned numb. Now, Leo lay in this tranquil bliss before he was carried off for good. "Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely," Leo's voice was notably quieter and weaker now. Karai felt her friend's grip loosening, but felt at least a twinge of comfort at one of Leo's favourite Buddha quotes.  
The smile remained as Leo's tearful eyes held onto his friend's as he uttered his final words, "I love you, Karai…"  
With that, Leo disappeared.

"#...So long…  
…I'm left behind…#"

Karai was physically shaking now, blood starting to draw from how deep her nails dug into her arms. The crying had resumed, relentlessly. The more she remembered, the more she despised her very own existence. It was her fault Leo had died, and she was powerless to bring her back.  
What Karai wouldn't give to hear his voice again. His laugh, his smile…

"#...I feel like I'm losing my mind…#"

But now, here in the disordered remains of her bedroom, Karai was alone. Her friend was no doubt looking down on her, smiling, telling her to stop moping and not blame herself. To Karai, that gave little comfort. She would never stop blaming herself for what happened on that day, two years from that very moment. No matter how many times she played the 'if only' game with herself, nothing was to change. She'd see Leo again, someday. Keeping to her promise, she would continue to struggle through this war. She would avenge her friend. The Shredder would suffer for what he has done. Tomorrow, her world would continue as normal. She would allow Leo to slip back into the depths of her mind, as he normally does to keep her thoughts clear. She needed to keep strong for Leo's brothers. But that was tomorrow. Today, Karai allowed herself this suffering, for Leo would never be forgotten, in heart and spirit. In his teachings, in his actions, in his words, Leo guided Karai to the person she is now. Karai vowed to live with honour, a vow she swore she would never break.  
Wiping away the tears once more, Karai found herself smiling. Looking up to her cracked stone ceiling, Karai knew in actuality she was gazing way past the boundaries of this plain. She kept looking, kept smiling, and eventually whispered, "Even death is not to be feared by one who lives wisely… I love you too, Leo…"


End file.
